I'm not even going to mention the posting gap.

I'm currently in bed with my girlfriend. We were getting...intimate earlier. Now she's asleep and in the contented haze, once I was able to think about other things, I started thinking about the mind again. (one of my favourite subjects for contemplation, and has been ever since as a boy I used to paralyse myself by trying to comprehend myself from outside*Not from another person's point of view, but from absolutely outside. Trying to see into myself as it were. It made sense at the time). Anyway, it struck me how fragile the psyche is and how open to alteration our entire personalities are depending on nearly every factor. (mine is anyway. I don't know about yours. For all I know you may be stolid, unimaginative and largely oblivious to the outside world.** This struck me when I compared my post-sex daze to how I felt on the way up to her house earlier, when I was convinced we were going to have spend hours arguing and I literally felt knotted up. We made up, by the way, if you didn't guess. But I thought about how the entire world felt different on those two points in time, and how, depending on everything from diet to drugs to exercise to rest to even minor interactions with other people***, your perception of, reaction to, and thus interaction with the outside worlds shifts, slides and mutates fractionally all the time, but still withing the outer bounds of your personality.

I realise it's incredibly snobbish, stuck up and groundlessly superior of me, but I like to think that the recognition that It's All In Your Head makes you an objectively better person than those who believe that the world reflects them (or should).**** Always know what you are in the context that surrounds you. If you can't even recognise that there is such a context you have fallen at the first fence, or one of them. The problem is that you can also go too far with introspection, and the fact that this recognition of which I speak comes under the heading of introspection means recognising that you're too introspective gets a bit recursive.

I'm off to spoon with the girlfriend. Tonight I'm the big spoon.


*Interestingly, I can vividly remember this state of mind and how I got into it, but find myself totally unable to recreate it nowadays.

**To the one person I know is actually reading this: of course I don't mean you, babe

***Altered further by how you felt at the time, making you more or less sensitive to slights ect ect ect

****I think even belief in a deity is egocentric, but that's a subject for a (much longer) train of thought.