More Serendipity

Reading the comments to this post, got this text:

"Beeekah want bonk"

which I think speaks for itself.

I've been wondering how well adjusted I really am a lot recently, and how much I just manage to persuade myself I am. I can't ever get over there being no objective benchmark. Astute readers may have noticed this. I mean, I think I'm okay with female sexuality...

I'm not even going to mention the posting gap.

I'm currently in bed with my girlfriend. We were getting...intimate earlier. Now she's asleep and in the contented haze, once I was able to think about other things, I started thinking about the mind again. (one of my favourite subjects for contemplation, and has been ever since as a boy I used to paralyse myself by trying to comprehend myself from outside*Not from another person's point of view, but from absolutely outside. Trying to see into myself as it were. It made sense at the time). Anyway, it struck me how fragile the psyche is and how open to alteration our entire personalities are depending on nearly every factor. (mine is anyway. I don't know about yours. For all I know you may be stolid, unimaginative and largely oblivious to the outside world.** This struck me when I compared my post-sex daze to how I felt on the way up to her house earlier, when I was convinced we were going to have spend hours arguing and I literally felt knotted up. We made up, by the way, if you didn't guess. But I thought about how the entire world felt different on those two points in time, and how, depending on everything from diet to drugs to exercise to rest to even minor interactions with other people***, your perception of, reaction to, and thus interaction with the outside worlds shifts, slides and mutates fractionally all the time, but still withing the outer bounds of your personality.

I realise it's incredibly snobbish, stuck up and groundlessly superior of me, but I like to think that the recognition that It's All In Your Head makes you an objectively better person than those who believe that the world reflects them (or should).**** Always know what you are in the context that surrounds you. If you can't even recognise that there is such a context you have fallen at the first fence, or one of them. The problem is that you can also go too far with introspection, and the fact that this recognition of which I speak comes under the heading of introspection means recognising that you're too introspective gets a bit recursive.

I'm off to spoon with the girlfriend. Tonight I'm the big spoon.


*Interestingly, I can vividly remember this state of mind and how I got into it, but find myself totally unable to recreate it nowadays.

**To the one person I know is actually reading this: of course I don't mean you, babe

***Altered further by how you felt at the time, making you more or less sensitive to slights ect ect ect

****I think even belief in a deity is egocentric, but that's a subject for a (much longer) train of thought.

Oh look, I'm one of those bloggers.

Naked Photos of Your Mother

Going home at the weekend was a decent experience. Nothing particularly spectacular happened, but I played plenty of Devil May Cry 3. Dealing with the whole passing of Candy wasn't as bad as I expected, possibly because since I moved out I don't see her for long periods of time anyway. Um, didn't. In fact the only time I cried was in a dream.
Robbie and I sorted through probably nearly every photo that ever got taken in our family before the advent of the digital camera to find ones of Candy for Mum's planned memorial album. A lot of photos, but it didn't really seem that many. We found plenty of useable photgraphs, and I had expected it to hurt more, but it didn't really. She photographs well. Photographed. I found three things more disturbing than the continual reminders of the dog, in ascending order of shock value:
(1)Photos of Karen, my first girlfriend and official mental ex. No, really. She was adopted and pobably abused, and part of the...turbulence was me not knowing how to deal with girls, but most of it was due to the fact that it would have been very difficult to deal with her anyway.
(2)I do not photograph well. Whatever the pose, whatever the angle or facial expression, I appear on a range from gurning dimwit to smirking pervert. My jaw is ridiculously lopsided and I've apparently never had a haircut that suited me. The only photos of me I've ever liked I'm looking deliberately stupid for whatever reason, but at least I don't look stupid in the photo.
(3)Parental nudism!! Found more than one photo that we really rather wouldn't have. Talking to Dad after the fact, he apologised profusely even though I treated it as a sort of joke. Seems there are more photos and they'd collected most of them separately...

R.I.P Candy

Bugger. My dog died. Our family dog.
Candy was a lovable if slightly scaredy white collie/whippet cross with black patches, notably on her back and across her face.
I had to phone home today - "solemn news" apparently. Candy was apparently staggering around and couldn't walk properly. Mum was going to take her to the vet but before they went she got worse rapidly. I don't know the exact details of her visit to the vet but I do know she was diagnosed with a brain tumour and had to be put down.
We'd had her for about ten years. Even living in Glasgow I liked seeing her. I liked throwing things for her on her regular Blackford Hill walk when I went home, and before that when I still lived with the family she was arguably responsible for helping me acquire a life, when the girl down the road who took an interest in her ended up being my first girlfriend.
Dad was always a little standoffish about her but apparently he's just as cut up as Mum now.
She was adorable and I'm gonna miss her. I'm going home this weekend and I dare say there'll be a noticable absence round the house.

Taikai

I'm heading off to the Kempo Taikai meeting tomorrow. Problem being it's in London and we're in Glasgow. Cue a nine hour minibus drive with only fellow kempo nutters for company. Including the arguably nuttiest of all driving the bus. Nevertheless, the alternative is staying at home and writing a week overdue essay all weekend, so I'm hardly going to turn down the chance. Looking forward to some high-quality displays and tuition. Hurrah!

Infidelity

Got a phone call this morning from an attached mate returning from a house he shouldn't have been at after a joint night out.
"Damn you! You were supposed to prevent me doing things like that!"
"Oh right. 'Stop'...not 'actively encourage'?. Oops"